Write on Through Self-Doubt

Keep Looking Up

The photo above shows a sky crisscrossed by suspended sculptures of books. It’s a clever reminder that while sometimes what we want as makers seems unattainable…in reality it’s sometimes just right there, and we might reach it if we try. Or perhaps the thing we want needs a different approach and perspective. Is it good for us? Is it right for us?

Today I’m taking about self-doubt, and while I tend to emphasise writers, this could apply to any maker. Perhaps it applies if you’re a reader as well.

Defining Self-Doubt

While your mileage may vary, I define self-doubt as the feeling of inadequacy, of impostor syndrome, in which we feel that we can’t achieve the things we want. Or that whatever we achieve, we feel ourselves unworthy of it.

As writers, this means we feel that we can’t be published. Or get an agent. Or get anyone to read our work. Or maybe we feel that we’ll never measure up to other writers. We all feel this way at some point or another, and the sooner we learn to manage these feelings, the better off we are…and the closer we are to achieving our dreams or transforming them to something else.

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

Let’s get this out of the way first. The feeling that we can’t quite reach the point our peers or idols have can erode our self esteem. So it’s truly a case of the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy”, because when we dwell on that set of emotions, we slide off away from our goals, not toward them.

Why did they get the shiny object we desire, and we didn’t? Honestly, never take these things personally. Especially in the arts. Dust yourself off and move forward and put the green-eyed monster in the rearview mirror where it belongs.

Stop giving your power away.

Because nothing and no one in the world is worth it.

Take your power back and look inward and decide, CHOOSE, to stop comparing your track to someone else’s.

You Are Your Main Competition

I have peers at all levels in the writing and publishing world. Would I like a huge advance? Would I like TV and film options? Would I like thousands or even millions of readers to love my books? Sure. But is that my goal? Are my peers my competitors in reaching my goals?

No.

My competition lies solely with me.

I recommend you adopt this mentality also.

Push yourself but do not punish yourself.

Set goals and step back from them emotionally. Write them on paper and post them on your fridge. Repeat them to yourself. Make them a little more removed from you. They are not your identity.

If you meet a goal, you cross it off. Just like you would something you buy at the grocery store. Then you move on down the list. Be clinical about it! Impart zero stress into it! They’re goals. They’re not what defines you as a whole person. They’re steps toward where you’d like to be.

Sip the Honey and Toss the Sting

Life throws many challenges our way, and our approach to dealing with them can mean the difference between allowing them to hurt us, or allowing them to give us gifts of the moment. If you do not get that agent, book deal, movie option, BookTok sensation, etc. then take whatever you do have.

So what is that?

What you have achieved. You have first of all set dreams and goals for yourself. CELEBRATE THAT.

You perhaps have written something. CELEBRATE THAT.

You perhaps have submitted something you’ve written. CELEBRATE THAT.

You perhaps have educated yourself on how best to reach your goals. CELEBRATE THAT.

You are a maker. You are unique. You matter. Always, always CELEBRATE THAT.

Everything that stings can go. Sip the honey. Take any praise. Don’t wallow in it, but appreciate it. Move on.

“I Didn’t Get A, B, C, D; Am I a Failure?”

No.

You are never a failure. You are a whole person with worthy dreams and aspirations. You work towards your goals. And if some of them don’t come to pass, you don’t let them get you down for long.

It’s okay to grieve; it’s sometimes necessary to do that and then move forward and grow. Your mileage, again, may vary.

I have not achieved many of the things I set out to do. Guess what! Some of those hurt. But I keep coming up with new goals. All the time.

They can be super simple goals. Write 250 words in a day. Write more. Write fewer. Listen to advice and don’t let it hurt you. Adjust your parameters. Step back if it feels necessary. Return when you feel ready.

Give Yourself Grace

I say “give yourself grace” a lot and I truly mean it. This is necessary at every step in a maker’s life. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you’d treat something or someone you truly love. And move forward and never back.

I believe each and every one of you is worthy of your dreams.

Write on!
Jendia